Discussion:
I need to know my options regarding how to handle my wife. Here's my story:
I met a Japanese woman on the internet, eventually visited her, applied for a K-1 Visa, brought her over here and got married. I applied for an I-485 AOS in November 2003 (we were married in July 2003). She had an interview scheduled in September 2004 but she skipped it because she was going to be 9 months pregnant (I sent a letter on her behalf and notfied the USCIS). She just had her fingerprints taken again and I imagine she'll have her new interview in the next 6 months.
Here's the problem: I was in love and completely ignored all of the warning signs that she had major issues (bad history of abuse from her father). So since the day we were married life has been extremely stressful. I would say I made mistake except for the fact we have a wonderful daughter. I'm not going to try and make you believe I'm a saint... we've both been bad but I have been willing to work on our relationship and she has refused to compromise at any point. She's threatened me with taking away our child back to Japan, divorce, suing me and etc... I told her she can have everything I have if she'll agree to give me full custody of our child but she refuses. She told me she would be willing to grant me this request if I gave her $175,000 up front and more money every month after that. I would if I could but I don't have financial resources like that. I have never laid a finger on her. I'm a very gentle person and I just can't take dealing with her anymore. She refused marriage counseling or medication. She calls me satan and because I told her before marriage my old girlfriend had an abortion, she calls me "Baby Killer" every time we have a fight. I'm dying here. She's called 911 several times and said I was going crazy when I was not. I've never even scratched her except some bruises on her wrists when she was trying to attack me and I grabbed her arms to stop her. She bit my arm so bad 5 months ago that I still have marks. She has shown considerable violence and I am helpless to do anything as the police assume I'm some kind of violent husband just because I'm a man.
I have no intention of taking her away from our child but I believe if she get's her green card and eventual US citizenship, she will have even more power over me, especially because I'm a man.
So, is there any way now that she has a pending I485 based on marriage to me to cancel her application and/or force her out of the country? If I can force her out, she will only be able to come back to this country as a visitor for 3 months at a time (of course she can visit and what not but I can't live without my precious daughter... I've heard of too many storis of spouses kidnapping a child and taking them back to their home country). I don't want to hur her, I just want to protect myself from her and I feel that this extreme situation may require extreme measure. Is divorce the best option? Somebody please help me. I entered into this marriage in good faith and things have gone from bad to worse. If you have had similar experiences please help me.
Answer:
Divorce her.

It would be best if you contact an attorney. Most of the issues you described are domestic issues and not immigration issues.
Answer:
Hi, I am very sorry about situation in your family. Divorce is not an answer. If you didn't have children, that's fine. When you have a child, divorce will make suffer all of you guys. First of child, who needs full family - mother and father. Father will not be able to substitute mother and child needs as mother can. I think she's seting high requierments, because she knows you will not be able to provide what she asks for, in this case you will stay together. Try to be a little more patient with her and more caring. She is in foreign country, the only person she can rely on is you. Do not dictate her what she has to do and how to do it. Just be there for her and a daughter. Sit down together and try to remember all good and happy moments you had together and most important thing is learn to forgive. Marriage is hard work. When you are married there's no me and her anymore. Two of you are on the on the same page, especially when you have child, leave your lives for your daughter. If you create problems for her and force her out of country, the first victim will be your daughter. You can't take away mother from her. By legal law you can, but you do not have moral right to do so. What you will say to your daughter when she'll grow up? I took you away from your mother, because she was bad to me? What your mother means to you? How would you feel if your father took you away from mother?
I wish you guys luck and I hope you will make right decision.
Answer:
I agree with all that and I personally don't believe in divorce.

However, we are talking about immigration problems here.
Answer:
just write to INS and cancel the application she can do nothing without you, you have the power to end it now, if you show up for the interview and she gets the green card she will have power to do more to you, come out of thet relationship and maybe one day the right deserving person will come along,
Answer:
I am not married. But from the story you articulated, clearly there is a problem that needs to be addressed. I am not sure if you have sought out counselling or filed any reports with the police. It is important that you document these situations and file complaints. You cannot afford to be passive if the situation gets as physical as you say it is.
If your "wife" is doing drugs she is already failing to meet the immigration requirements for any foreigner. I know that drugs are clearly a no no if it is established, proven.
Every story has two sides. So we get to read your side and I am sure she has her own side of the story.
In the same breath I don't feel that you should hold the fact that she is an immigrant and you want to look for ways to kick her out of the country. She is the mother of your child and that will always be. Regardless of whether she is a homeless person or not. Getting her evicted doesn't solve the problem.
You need to seek other avenues of resolution first. I would advice you to work with an attorney, marriage counselors- who have expirience with marriage between people of different cultures and nationality. It may not be to keep the marriage going, but to find a middle ground where you can either go your seperate way without having her threaten you.
It is also a very terrible situation as a foreigner to have someone hold that over you- that they can kick you out just like that. I also see caution in that, why would someone who knows they have a pending immigration I-485 to do anything to jeopardize the situation. Does she want to leave the country?
How are you addressing the situation? You know because her application is based on marriage she will need you to collarborate her claims of legit marriage.
Bottom line you need some outside help and advice on this matter. Don't act without exhausting other avenues. And if you are still in a problematic relationships it is not helping your daughter to be around either one of you. So thats another thought for you
Goodluck!
Answer:
Raymond,
I really hope to hear from you, because I'd like to know what steps you've taken and how things are working out for you. My story is eerily similar to yours, except that I don't have an I-485 petition in process. My wife arrived from China in July 2003 on a K-1, we got married in October 2003, and we had a baby daughter in June 2004. But since our wedding, I've done nothing official in getting her a green card -- filed no forms, or anything. Why? Because almost from the day of her arrival, she's been hell to live with. I'm a very gentle guy, while my wife has a ferocious temper. I'll admit she's improved -- she no longer throws things at me, or yells at me until 3 AM. And it's been at least nine months since she's threatened to kill the baby and/or me, but it's the sort of thing you don't forget. I've hesitated to file for divorce out of fear that she might actually harm the baby. She refused marriage counselling, and out of fairness to her, her English is fairly poor, and the only bilingual counsellor that my insurance would cover would have been a long trip by commuter rail with a young baby in tow, back before I had a car. I worry that if I just tell her I don't want to live with her, she might make (false) allegations of spousal abuse, although the police have never come to our apartment, her only possible evidence might be testimony from our neighbors hearing us yell at each other.
Anyway, some questions I hope someone might respond to:
Does the long wait since our marriage make her ineligible for AOS? Can I call up the Immigration police and say, hey, I don't want her here and I'm fearful for my daughter's safety, can you come and put her in detention until she gets a removal hearing? What's it like to try to divorce someone who's living in another country? I don't want to hurt her, although I know being separated from her daughter would hurt her, I'd be willing to pay her reasonable alimony for life, it's just that our marriage isn't working and isn't likely to. And I need to do something quick, because she's getting impatient about not having received her green card. Help???